Can you implement a catgirl maid to bring me coffee every time I log in my HQ?

I'm serious...

Dear Rattati:

It has been many months now, since this began. I hope I am not too late in asking your advice on this matter, but I would very much appreciate your response as soon as your busy schedule allows. You see, I have what seems to be a rash. It's located on the underbelly of what---oh, how do I say this without offense? Oh, I know! The rash is located on the underside of my giggly-pouch. It comes and goes and I have learned to endure the mild irritation, but I would truly like to see an end to the inflammation, as it is most distracting.

At first, I thought it might be redbug. Some people refer to them as chiggers. You see, I grew up spending summers on my grandparents' farm land. My cousins and I would often explore the cattle fields, finding our way through brush and nearby treelines. Many a sleepless night were spent writhing in torturous swelling while that unforgettable burning itch kept us awake and tearful. Unfortunately, I do not believe this to be that. One, none of the old remedies work now. I've tried nail polish to no avail. I've even tried turpentine, which was suggested by my grandmother. No luck. Two, I no longer spend summers crawling around things.

No. I'm afraid this is something quite different. Perhaps eczema? I don't know. I've tried various lotions and ointments, but nothing works; though they have done wonders for my complexion and tone. I am at a loss and would appreciate your opinion on the matter. I truly believe that once this road block is sufficiently behind us, development for Project Nova will only gain in efficiency. My sincerest apologies for my part in the delays.

For the sake of this wondrous gaming brotherhood holding on to each and every word of yours, please share your wisdom on this topic. There are those of us too shy to share their tragic stories, but we all stand in solidarity for the greater good. In faith.

Let us all move forward, together, by seeing to the health of my giggly-pouch. And to the health of my DUST brothers' giggly-pouches, as they may be too pained to speak out, buried in the curious multitudes. Be it literal for some, or symbolic for others, we are all here holding our breath for your guidance. The power is in your capable hands. Please. Help me. Please help us all.

Thank you for your time and consideration on this matter.

Respectully,

Byte.

P.S. if you need, I can Skype pics.

Can we implement a poo flinging device in the form of a mass driver?

Hook a tube up to our butts and the gun and use it to rain down unholy potty justice upon our enemies